September 8, 2010
News Flash: It’s NOT About The Orgasm!
When Tommy sang these words “See me, feel me, touch me, heal me” – he was singing about a universal core desire in all of us to be truly seen. The more I talk to people who are exploring their sexuality, the more I find that I am not alone in my own experience; that in the end it is not about the orgasm! No matter how many articles you read about what women or men want in bed – most of the advice that is screaming at us about being sexual savants are missing the point completely. You see – you don’t need a list of secret sex tips, a box of sex toys, to be able to locate the “G” Spot, or know how to have or give a woman a female ejaculation to be a star in the bedroom.
What you need is the ability to see your lover with loving kindness and admiration through your eyes and through your finger tips. When was the last time you opened your eyes in the bedroom and simply offered your lover your soft accepting gaze of appreciation? When was the last time you touched your lover as if you were a blind person? Using your fingers as your eyes? I am not talking about touch as a pathway to orgasm and intercourse (although that might happen) – but using touch as a soft, gentle, erotic way of truly seeing your partner? Just talking about this kind of touch sends shivers down my spine!
Most of us are literally starving for this kind of touch. It is through being seen and touched – without any goal other than to feel, love and truly worship the flesh of our beloved that we can be changed forever.
Oh yes – sex toys, orgasm and rocking the night away – can be delicious. But why not try something really new and see what opens for you and your partner simply through opening your eyes, offering admiration and desire through your gaze and touch with no agenda other than to honor, tantalize and hold?
Let me know how it goes for you!
I’m a GUY, so I am wired more for the orgasm .
As a student of Tantra and sacred sexuality, I can say that you may want to think of the Orgasm as the Dessert of the meal… can you create a meal that is soo yummy that the dessert is besides the point?
I think this is what Pamela is talking about. We may still LOVE dessert , but if the fine dining experience is so fulfilling, we don’t miss it !!
Markus
Love that first connection in the morning – when my partner sits on the edge of the bed and I stand and pull his head to my belly – my hora and check in wirh him. Dropping to my knees and sharing that first morning hug and kiss. Deep intimacy without words and welcoming the new day from the beart
I have to say in my world it’s totally about the orgasm.
Dear Jwoap –
Well….sometimes it is about the genital orgasm! : )
But there is so many other types of orgasms that we miss along the way if we keep the focus just on that goal…..so I get the pleasure in your world – but I encourage you to sight see a little!!! Thank you for stopping by and comments!
Pamela
My orgasms come oh so very easily: being SEEN, being in PRESENCE with another human being is oh so rare….